Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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