that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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