someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
