I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
