She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
