and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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