I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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