Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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