I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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