I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
