I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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