Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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