Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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