Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
