You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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