Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize