i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
