there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
