DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
