I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize