Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
