what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
