YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
