my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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