Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
