I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We are all done wearing pants today
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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