he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
is it fun? or sober?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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