38 yer olds are good kisserssss
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
