Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
