Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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