I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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