Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
