school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My breasts were aching with rage.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
