MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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