is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
