What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize