u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
