paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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