i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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