he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Randomize