is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
