I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
