atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
