im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
