And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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