Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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