Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
