I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
