Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
