By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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