I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
