I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
