you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
