It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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