That's intense
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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