Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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