Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
