Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
