Please, let me fuck your mom
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
