No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
