yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
