You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
