I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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