and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You made out with two different species that night
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
