They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
