Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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