I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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