Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
