dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
