I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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