You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
