i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
