once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
