so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
