About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
