just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you made out with another girl for some wings
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
