Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
