According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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