I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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