im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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