Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
