Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
