There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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