Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
