I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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