I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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