Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
