yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
