Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
