Im at strip club and am horny
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize