So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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