alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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