I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
