so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
