I want to walk on stilts...naked
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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