How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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