...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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