Quick, to the slutcave!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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