Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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