Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
