I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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