Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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