Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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