if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
